Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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