well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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