Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
