actually, I'm a sock model
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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