you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
