Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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