this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
