I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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