someone owes me an orgasm
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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