Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
