its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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