so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
