What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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