people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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