The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
