before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
