At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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