He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
