Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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