Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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