I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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