Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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