The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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