areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
