Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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