I seem to have left my pride at pride
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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