I could make wine with my vomit
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
