home. puking in laundry basket.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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