I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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