Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize