So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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