if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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