but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
