Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
