ya dads aren't the best wingmen
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
