so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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