All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
