If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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