is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
