I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
