The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
