Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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