she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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