I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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