I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Two words: nipple clamps
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