No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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