i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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