Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Vodka?
Forever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
