he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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