She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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