Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
