Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
