dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the condom got lost in my hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
