you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
