Moan for me like Helen Keller
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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