So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
