she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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