Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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