Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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