everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
