69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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