"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
