Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
