You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
