You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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