Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
