So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My pussy is not your playground.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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