she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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