My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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