its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...