The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.