You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me