I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10