the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
