Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
