I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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