suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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