Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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