Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
