birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
