Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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