he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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