capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
