I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
