none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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